So, I decided to write this quick blog to discuss another aspect of foster care, the one that I had the most trouble with during training, the “thing” that made me say out loud to myself, my instructor during training, and my caseworker…. “I Can’t DO THIS!” That thing… FAMILY VISITS.


Family visits scare the crap out of me (yes, I said it) because you have to deal with the family. The family may be hurt, angry, scared (insert all emotions here) and may take them out on you, the foster parent, because lets face it… they can. I have heard horror stories of foster parents dealing and interacting with parents and I just didn’t/don’t want to deal with it. But I have to…

So Friday, I took my little one to visit with family. Her grandmother and aunt. I was very nervous because I didn’t know how they would react to me. I trimmed baby girls nails, washed her hair, gave her a pretty bow. LOL! Polished her as good as I knew how :-). However, the reaction I received from grandma was not what I thought. I don’t know what I thought would happen… but as soon as I opened the car door (oh, we met at a mall in the area) her grandmother burst out in tears. She was so overcome that she couldn’t come near the baby for a minute. I wanted to cry, because I couldn’t imagine the grief and sadness this woman felt as she looked at her granddaughter. She just kept saying, “I miss her… I miss her so much…” I know she does. I can’t even imagine. Auntie was not as kind to me… but she doesn’t have to be. I know that I didn’t cause the situation, but like I mentioned, most of the time the family tends to take out their anger and hurt on the care taker. I got a couple of snarky remarks at the end… I try to dismiss them because I can’t make them treat me better. The only thing I can do it take care of this baby entrusted to me, make sure she is being loved and cared for… make sure she sees her family and overall make sure she is happy and safe. That’s my job. Folks also ask me how I will keep myself from getting attached. Well, I am already attached… but  I know what my job is with her. To keep her safe until she can be reunited with her family. I looked at her Saturday and I said, “I wish I could see you when you get older… how you will look, what your personality will be.” I can admit… that part does make me sad, I pray for her and ask God to protect her heart and mind. But as long as she is happy and giving me these big gummy smiles… I will hold that in my heart.

Author: Clarise_C

Hi! My name is Clarise. I'm currently going through the process of becoming a foster parent. I started this blog to share my journey with readers. I am not a writer, an expert on parenting, or even a parent... but so many folks have asked questions, I thought I would share. I am also an avid runner, nutrition coach and devoted Sunday school teacher (which is where I learn most of my patience with preschooler's :-)). I also work for a small agency called the VA. I hope you enjoy!

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