Welcome to my favorite time of year! FALL! I love it! Not only was I born in the fall, but during this season I can drink all of the tea (hot) that I want and wear ugg boots! LOL! Long sweaters and scarfs! Yes, my favs!! But enough about me… you don’t come here to read about me. LOL! I received a new placement almost two weeks ago. A six year old little girl… she is a sweetie and it has been a joy to have her in my home. It has not been easy, today was a hard morning for me… I will get to that, but I wanted to give an update on the new little one in my home!
When I see the Social Services number on my phone, my heart always starts to race. I know they are calling me for a placement and I am anxious to hear what my worker has to say. So, my worker called me on a Monday and asked if I would be open to taking a six year old girl who was moving from another foster home. She told me about her case, and let me know that her plan is reunification with her family as she has unsupervised overnight visits. I knew that the next few weeks were very busy for me, my mom was having surgery, I had two races, and I was going out of town. I hesitated on the phone… my worker kept saying, “It’s okay if you can’t, you have to what works for you.” To be honest, I said no to the placement. When I hung up… I felt so bad. I chastised myself. “Why did you say no? Why can’t you do it? You are busy for the next few weekends, but she will have family visits… so what’s the real reason?” Nothing… so I called my worker back and told her I would take the placement. She was coming on Friday, so I had a few days to prepare. On Friday, I called her social worker to ask what time she was arriving and what time I needed to get her to her family for the weekend visit. I was then informed that her weekend visits had been rescinded. FREAK OUT MOMENT!!! WHAT??!! I had a race that weekend… what am I going to do? Called my worker, she asked me what I wanted to do… do I want her to be placed somewhere else or do I want to put her in respite for the weekend? Geesh, it looks bad when you accept a child and then tell the workers that you won’t take them, so I took her. Hindsight… ???
So little miss arrived on Friday evening, she came in a gave me a big hug. Again, her worker gave me all of her information and belongings and then 1,2,3… she was gone… leaving me and the little one on our own. We played most of the night, but when it was time for bed… she did not want to go to sleep. This would be indicative of our next couple of nights. So far, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. Some days are good and some are bad. Going from a 6 month old to a six year old is a big jump and to be honest… the baby was easier! LOL! Babies don’t talk back or have meltdowns! I feel like I am on a job interview every day with all the questions she asks me…. as soon as she gets up and as soon as I pick her up from school. That has also been a big adjustment. I have to drop her off and pick her up from school each day. I am trying to get a bus for her… hopefully by next week she will have one. When she first arrived, she didn’t want me to turn off the lights when she went to sleep. I tried dimmer light bulbs and it still didn’t work. My running group moms told me to just put more nightlights in the room. So, I ventured out to Target and found this great projection nightlight that projects Anna and Elsa from frozen on the ceiling. So she has to turn off the lights to see her friends :-). Parenting win! LOL! OH, but we do have meltdowns…. every other day we have one. Yesterday was the first time I had to put her on timeout. I was telling my mom that I had to start giving her consequences for not obeying me when I ask her to do something. What I am asking her to do are normal kid things, examples…. brushing her teeth, going to bed, going to school, doing her homework. I mean, things that she has to do! LOL! When I ask her to do these things, she starts pouting or crying and won’t move. She just gives me puppy dog eyes and starts dropping crocodile tears. Which really don’t move me. If you are not hurt or something is not really wrong and you start crying… that annoys me. I now understand why my mom used to want to “give me something to cry for” when I would cry for no reason! LOL! Today was a hard day because it started with her not wanting to put on a coat. Here, it was 45 degrees this morning… baby doll has to wear a coat. So that discussion turned into a meltdown. I also found that she says, “I miss my mommy” as a way of manipulating me. I know she misses her mom, and I feel bad that she is in this situation… no child deserves this, BUT she only says this to me when I am disciplining her or speaking sternly to her. She never misses her mom when she is watching her show, or playing on the tablet. Only when I tell her it is time to go to bed, or she has to turn off he tablet. LOL! It’s not funny… but I laugh to keep from crying… literally.
I get so frustrated because although this is something that I want to do… it is frustrating because I have had to change my entire life around to take care of this little one. My time, my resources, my energy, my love and all I get are meltdowns over small things! I know that other moms probably are thinking… my kids do the same, but it’s just hard for me. I am doing all of this for a child that I am choosing to love… not that I birthed… so it hurts just the same.
She really is a sweet girl, she has a great laugh and she is so silly! I’ve gotten better at washing and styling her hair! It’s the little things. Today just happened to be a not so good morning. Like I told her when I dropped her off at school today, she has a choice on how the rest of her day will be… It can be good or bad, it just depends on her attitude. Same goes for me… instead of staying frustrated at this moment, I will choose to make it a good day!