Yesterday was my first experience going to court as a foster parent. It was a really heavy experience for me… I wasn’t expecting that.
The court case was scheduled for 2:15 pm we didn’t actually go into the courtroom until 4:15 pm. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an on time type of person. LOL! So, I got to the courthouse around 1:30 pm because I over estimated traffic, the wait for the shuttle to the courthouse, and the security line. So, me and little miss were at the courthouse for almost 4 hours. It was a long day! I didn’t know what was going on with the scheduling delay until the caseworker told me that the judged was backed up.
My little ones parents arrived, so I got a chance to actually talk to them. Learn more about them as a family which was great! Usually during drop offs and pickups, we chat briefly and exchange children. I learned about their family in their native country, additional siblings of my little one, and the dads cooking skills. LOL! Although I am an introvert and really hate small talk, it was nice to get to know a little bit more about my little ones family. Sometimes were a little awkward as “little one’s” mom wanted to get something to eat and little miss of course wanted to go with her mom. It’s always awkward when her parents look at me for approval… I have not gotten used to that. But the reality is, I am her “parent” at this time. Strange feeling. It was also awkward as I fumbled through saying “no” you can’t go to my little one (she is not allowed to be with her mother unsupervised)… and the crying that ensued. We (myself and the foster mother of the boys) decided that we would just go with her to get some food… which is also super awkward because she doesn’t speak any English…. so it was mostly a silent walk.
When we finally get in the courtroom, there are so many people there! Social services, the children’s lawyer, two interpreters, the mother’s lawyer and the father’s lawyer… along with the judge, court reporter and clerk. My little one was asked to sit in the plaintiffs chair… her little legs swinging. She constantly looked back at me during the proceeding to give me a thumbs up or a wave. She looked so small in that chair and it hit me again how small she is and all this weight around her.
The proceeding began and the department and lawyers spoke. The heaviness that I did not expect to experience happened when I saw the look on the parents faces. I can’t describe the look, but I could feel it. It was like they thought that they were further along in the process and then hearing what still has to be done. They looked blindsided. It was heartbreaking. We (myself and the other foster mother) was asked to speak and I tried my best to advocate for the parents. I don’t know how well that was received.
The judge asked my little one to speak and she did a good job. The judge asked her how she likes living with “your foster mom.” She said, “who? OH you mean Ms. Clarise… her name is Ms. Clarise, but I call her CC!” LOL! The judge asked if she liked living with “CC” and she said, “YES! Because she makes good food for me!!” LOL! She always tells me that she likes my food. I’m glad that she doesn’t hate it! LOL! After the case we said goodbye to her parents. She was fine until we got outside of the courtroom… then she had a minor meltdown. She missed her mom. Of course she does… but what do I do? It’s always hard to hear because there is nothing I can do. I learned to redirect her longing for her mom by asking her if she wants to make a card or picture for her and we take a picture and send it to her. It has worked well so far. When I got home and got her settled and in bed, I realized that in her mind… going home with her parents wasn’t even thought of. She kept asking me when WE were going HOME. She calls my house “home” and her parents house… “her mommy’s house.” It’s hard for me to think of this little one’s reality… it makes me feel heavy. I will just continue to pray through it. That’s my method of releasing the weight.
So like I stated before, little miss will be with me for a little while longer. Not something that I expected. When the next court date was recorded, the other foster mother looked at me with “surprise” in her eyes I looked back at her with a “wow!!!” in my eyes. I was totally surprised by the extension of the case. We spoke today and we both felt the same weight yesterday. It’s a helpless feeling because we spend the most time with the children and the parents, but have the LEAST say in anything. But that’s how it goes I guess.
So for now, we are just focused on the holidays. It is my first time ever experiencing Christmas with a child in my home… so that is nice :-). I hope everyone reading this blog has a Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year! Thanks for reading and your support!
I would love to hear from you if you like reading… so drop a comment or a like :-).
Clarise
A Journey Through Foster Parenting 