It’s always hard for me to think of a title for my posts. It has to be catchy… telling part of the bigger story and captivating your audience willing them to keep reading. So… that’s what I could come up with :-). I chose that title because when I see people, one of the first questions they ask is when I am getting another child. Well, I knew I wanted to take a little break after my last placement and I was pleased to find out that the county allows you 30 days of no contact (if you choose) after a placement is removed from your home. I gladly excepted the offer and began to decompress from everything that happened.
It has been a wonderful time for me, I will get into a little later, but for my previous foster daughter it has had a more trying time. After she was removed from my home, she lived in a therapeutic foster home for about two weeks before she was moved again. I do not know the reason why she was moved, but I knew a few days after she left me that the new home was not the right fit. During my first call with this foster mom, she basically asked me if I could continue picking my daughter up from aftercare (um… no) because she couldn’t get off of work in time to get her. Well, when I told my social worker she informed me that was not my responsibility. I didn’t feel comfortable with that anyway because I thought it might be very confusing for my daughter. I can pick her up after school, but she is not coming to my home. Also, the new foster mom got my daughter kicked out of aftercare the following week after she left me. So, I am assuming that the move happened because having a placement just didn’t “fit” in her schedule. I don’t understand why a person would accept a placement, but not know if they can accommodate the child. It makes me very sad that for the most part, these children are not looked at as people… but just numbers moving through a system (that is totally my own opinion). I didn’t even know she (foster daughter) moved until one day I got a call from my previous placements social worker explaining to me that she (foster daughter) was having a rough time during the transition and if I was open to spending time with her. I had planned to spend time with her anyway, but my schedule had been hectic and I didn’t want to plan something and then have to cancel. But once I knew that she moved again and was having a tough time, I made a point to visit with her that week. So, on a Friday afternoon I went to her new foster mom’s home and spent about 2 hours with her. She showed me her room and we played games. She asked to see the bite mark scars on my arm and this time I did show it to her. She kept telling me she misses me so much and also kept asking me why she can’t live with me anymore and if I miss her “a lot.” My logical side wanted to tell her that I missed her a normal amount, but I realized she is a child and I should embellish… LOL! As I was leaving, I told her that I would come back and visit her soon. Her foster mom told me that she got approval from the private agency for me to pick her up from school and take her places, so I told her that I would take her to church one day. She was excited. About the private agency, since she (foster daughter) is in a therapeutic home there are a lot more rules and regulations to follow. It’s a bit weird, but I totally understand.
Her new foster mom and myself have formed sort of a team, it has been nice. The first time I spoke to her she didn’t know who I was. She said, “Oh… you are the mom from the photo album?” When she left, I gave my foster daughter a photo album filled with pictures of our adventures together and she kept showing it to her new mom and tell her “that’s my mom CC.” LOL! The new foster mom was so confused because my foster daughter was crying for her mom and when she finally showed her who she was crying for, she was like… “how can this be?” LOL! (I’m black and my foster daughter is Latina) LOL!
The most important thing I have gained from the relationship with the new foster mom is a sense of perspective. What do I mean? Even though EVERYONE, from my mom, friends, even social workers, told me I did a great job with my placement I still felt bad like I didn’t give it my best. It wasn’t until I spoke to the new mom, who is trained in therapeutic care, and she told me that this placement is A LOT (very demanding, screaming, throwing tantrums, and exhausting) is when I finally felt good about the care I gave. The new foster mom still tells me often how she has raised 3 boys and that this little girl is a lot. She says she doesn’t know how I did it for so long by myself. I had a lot of guidance, help (both physical and spiritual) and prayer. I am glad that I still have a relationship with my daughter and can still be a positive figure in her life! It’s so funny because I literally live about 6 minutes away from my daughter and her foster mother often says when they pass my housing development my daughter says, “CC lives down there!!”
During this time, I also got to see my first foster placement. I had her when she was 5-6 months old. She is a big girl now, 14 months. Of course she did not remember me, but she gave me smiles and hugs just the same. It made my day! Love that little one!
So, back to the original question. What have I been up to? Well, I have been hanging out with friends, running with my run group, and traveling. I also changed around the sleeping arrangements for any incoming child. I used to have a crib/toddler bed in a shared office space and used my guest room for older placements. I painted and now have the crib/ toddler bed in the room with a twin bed. It looks good! It has been a refreshing 30 days off. Right before I left to go out of the country, my social worker called me to ask if she could place two girls with me for a night. When I told her I was catching a flight that night, she asked when I would be back. So, I am officially back on the call list! We will see!
Until next time!