Ready or Not… They Called Again.

woman holding white disposable cup and smartphone
This is how I feel when I’m “mothering.”

Two months to the day my last placement left me, a new placement arrived. To be truthful, emotionally I am not ready to deal with another placement. LOL! I know, I am a big baby… big, big, baby… but I was sooo not ready. So what made me say yes? I will get to that a little later. As I wrote previously, the department gives you 30 days of no contact when a placement is removed from your home. Like I mentioned in my last post, on the 31st day I did get a call for a placement that I couldn’t take because I was leaving for trip. I received a called for a 16 year old, that I almost said yes to… but she had a physical altercation with her dad (in all honesty I do not know who started it… but I didn’t care) and I didn’t want to deal with it after my last placement and her physical violence.

Last Tuesday, I got a call from a social worker and she asked me if I would take a 12 year old girl… that night. When they called, I was on my way out the door and had plans for the entire night… so  I couldn’t take the placement (and truthfully I didn’t want to). Once I said no, the social worker on the phone told me that my social worker had something she wanted to talk to me about and that she was going to transfer the call. I was expecting my social worker to talk to me about scheduling a time to come out and do my home visit. It’s been a year and my license is about to expire… I know, I can’t believe it either! Instead she asked me if I would consider taking in a placement that was 19 years old. Okay, so teenagers scare the bejesus out of me! LOL! I have no clue what to do with them. LOL! So, why did I agree? I was comfortable accepting this placement because I provided respite care for her last summer. She didn’t give any trouble, so I figured it would be a good fit. I felt good saying yes to the department and I also felt good saying yes to myself. Stretching out of my comfort zone, but still having a little peace while providing care. She’s a great kid! In school, has a job and is well behaved.

The question I get most often is, “how can you foster a person over 18?” In Maryland children can be in care up to 21 years of age. It’s called “Ready by 21.” Think about it, how many of us were ready to be out on our own at 18? I mean, some people are… but they still have support of some kind (sometimes). Research found that foster kids simply were not ready. So now they don’t age out until 21. My placement is applying for a transition program where (hopefully) in a few months she will get an apartment and start life on her own, but still have the support of her social worker and the department services.

We are on day four and it has been interesting. The first day she arrived around 2:00p and had to be at work by 5:00p. When she left for work, I kind of stood around for a bit… it felt weird to not be needed. Meaning, she is so self sufficient it makes me feel strange in my home. LOL! It’s kind of like she is my roommate… not a placement. Imagine if you had a 6 year old that you had to cook for, wake up, bath, etc and went to sleep and woke up and they were 19! It’s weird to go from having to “mother” to not…. hmph. Because I am me… there have been a few “things” that have made me raise my eyebrow. Food dropped on the floor, keys left in the door, binge watching shows and not eating what I cook. LOL! But overall, it’s been good, that is nothing to complain about (and I am not). I just need to find the balance of fostering a teen. She is an adult, but still not mature… I’m trying to figure it out. I am an introvert and so is she, we do not like the same TV shows, and she is studying for finals, so most of the time we have been in separate parts of the house. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t want to interact with her… but at the same time… I don’t know how. It’s a very interesting dynamic for me at the moment, but I will get through it!

So, the woman who in class said she would only foster ages 0-5 is now the foster “mother” to a 19 year old teenage girl. Wow! That is funny!!

Thanks for reading!

Cheers!

Author: Clarise_C

Hi! My name is Clarise. I'm currently going through the process of becoming a foster parent. I started this blog to share my journey with readers. I am not a writer, an expert on parenting, or even a parent... but so many folks have asked questions, I thought I would share. I am also an avid runner, nutrition coach and devoted Sunday school teacher (which is where I learn most of my patience with preschooler's :-)). I also work for a small agency called the VA. I hope you enjoy!

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