Foster care can be beautiful. You receive a child in your home, you love them, you care for them, you bond with them, and then boom! You get a call that the child has to move. It really sucks and it is so hard. But not only is it hard for you, it is hard on the child too. They form the same bonds, love and care that you do. I understand what my role is in this system, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I got word yesterday that my two year old has to go back into foster care in her home state. It is an overwhelming feeling because there is nothing I can do to stop it or help her. If her plan was a little more permanent, like she was being reunited with a healthy birth family or adopted into a family, I would feel a little more at ease. This little one is going into another unknown, to another home to get to know a new family. She is a great little girl, smart, playful, and loving so I know that she will be fine. She maybe a little confused at first, but I know she will settle in well. For me, it is hard because she is going to another state and I will not know who she is with, if she is okay, or if I will ever see her again. I have to just trust and believe that the Lord will take care of her wherever she goes.
When speaking to her social workers supervisor yesterday, he was surprisingly empathetic to the entire situation. He was very comforting to speak to and thanked me for the care that I provide for the children in my care. It felt good to hear it from a worker because most of the time they are so “matter of fact” when relaying information to us regarding care that it often feels as though they forget that we are people with feelings. These kids are not a job to us… a name on a paper… a visit once a month, but a member of our family, so it’s hard to just get the call to let go. But I get it, judges and lawyers make decisions and we (including the social workers) have to abide by them. Social workers are really just doing their job.
One thing surprised me though. When the worker asked if I would consider being an adoptive resource for this little one, I answered “yes.” I shocked myself with the answer. LOL! I don’t know if he asked me for a reason or if it was just so that if anything happens in the future and an adoptive resource is needed, I will be on the list. He said he would pass my name as a resource to her new county in case they are willing to do a ICPC (I don’t know what that means). Who knows if anything will come of it. I told my worker today that I don’t get my hopes built in anything in this system. Things change so quickly. So right now I am in the flurry of packing up her stuff and getting ready to say goodbye.
It’s been exactly one month that she has been with me. Two year old’s are HARD!! LOL! She taught me a lot about myself and I will always be grateful to have known her. So, for now I will get back to living my single life (yes… the teenager is still with me). I will miss her a lot, but that’s how I get through the pain… I think of what I gain. I just pray that she remains safe.