New Days, School Days

It’s been a minute since I have been able to sit down and write a blog post. It’s been pretty crazy over here as baby girl has been growing and becoming more and more alert (aka demanding, lol!). One of the reasons I can finally sit down and write is because… baby girl started daycare on Monday (tears). With everything going on, I really didn’t want to send her to daycare so soon and was really nervous, BUT it had to be done. Baby wanted more and more of my attention and is staying up for longer stretches in between naps, so it was really hard for me to work and entertain her during the day. So, this was the best solution. I am really happy that there was a slot open at the daycare where I sent my first infant placement, I really feel comfortable taking children there and they really care about and treat the children and parents well. It’s been a hard transition for both of us as I miss her terribly and she wasn’t really eating or sleeping the first two days. She’s a pro now, but still gives me the cold shoulder when I pick her up! LOL!

Baby will be 4 months old tomorrow. It’s hard to believe that she has been with me an entire 4 months! She has grown so much and most of the time I can’t even remember her being so small until I look at pictures or see one of her preemie diapers. It’s so unbelievable how fast time has gone. I would like it to slow down, but not for reasons other parents may say. I want it to slow down because the faster it goes, it makes me think of the time when she will have to leave… and that always makes me sad. I still don’t have any answers on her case as she hasn’t even had a hearing yet. To me, her case is cut and dry… but resistance from the parent saying baby girl doesn’t need to even be in care has caused a delay in formulating her reunification plan. Her court date is not until August, so after that I may have a better understanding what is happening. Baby girl also got a new social worker… today. I was saddened a few weeks back when her social worker told me that she was taking another job. I thought we meshed well together and she was super responsive and proactive in the case… so it was bittersweet to hear her move on to another opportunity.

Baby girl is super attached to me. One of my friends asked how it feels to experience love like this. The question took me aback a little because not being a biological mother, I knew exactly what she was asking me… and I couldn’t believe that I have been given the chance to experience this level of unconditional love in human form. It is a love like no other… and it is hard to explain. Sometimes I catch baby girl just staring at me intently or crying out for me to hold her if I walk by. My mom says that baby girl “fired her” a long time ago as she rarely wants anyone to hold her besides me. It’s just been her and I for the last 4 months, so I hope that it will get better now that she is going to daycare and interacting with more people. I told my mother that on Sunday nights my anxiety peaks. Why you may ask? It’s because I don’t know what the week will bring. Will it bring unexpected news regarding her case or will things go on as normal. I understand my job in foster care, but sometimes I don’t want to hear about bio mom or other family members. I want us to stay in our little bubble of togetherness. That is just me speaking honestly, but I do know and understand that baby girl has a bio parent who would like to reunite with her. I pray everyday that the right thing will happen at the right time… whatever that may be.

So for now, that’s what has been going on in my world. I can say that it has been good to see baby girl thrive and try new things at daycare and for me to be able to get things done at work and also run a few errands without worrying, but when the clock strikes that time… I am the first one running out the door to go pick her up. When her cold shoulder thaws (lol!) usually towards bed time we snuggle and laugh and talk and that is always a good time. Things are starting to return to a slow new normal. My mom has already put me on notice that she will gradually start pulling back her weekend help and social services sent out a notice that in person visitation for foster children would slowly resume on July 1st. I am excited for baby girl’s bio mom to finally get to see her. I couldn’t imagine delivering a baby and not seeing her in person for 4 months. I do feel for her for the most part and although I know the predicament…. and although I don’t want to share baby girl right now… I have empathy for her.

Well, that’s all for now. Just know that baby girl is striving in health, physically, emotionally, and mentally. She has her 4 month old check up (with immunizations) on Monday, please pray for me. It takes a lot out of me to see her get those shots. I’m crying just thinking about it now!

Thanks for reading! I hope you all have a great July 4th holiday!