Since COVID is heavy on everyone’s mind, I’ll start there. For the past week, my little one has been home with me due to one of the parents of a child at her daycare testing positive for COVID-19. It was an unexpected surprise to go back to working and taking care of a baby all day, but I am happy to say that we made it through. Although it is hard for me to get things done (I have such a great schedule during the day while she’s at daycare. I carved time at the end of the day to do tasks before she gets home), I have so loved having her here with me. During this week, my little lady has become MUCH MORE confident in her ability to roll and move around. She is all over the place and I love being able to witness her growth. My other babies around this age didn’t move as much as this little one does, so I am happy to see another phase of growth and development up close. Daycare was given the okay to reopen the day after they closed, but stayed closed for the week to sanitize the entire building top to bottom. I expect this to be the norm for a while, so it has made me think of how I will handle this in the future. Baby and I are okay over here, we are enjoying each others company. LOL! She loves to grab my face and come in for a kiss (so sweet) and I love to snuggle her and watch her explore.
On the move
As most would imagine, baby girl has grown so much over the last couple of months. I was so curious to know her weight because she is starting to get really heavy! LOL! So I jumped on the scale and weighed myself… then I added her. The last time I did this home girl was 16 lbs! This may not seem like a lot to some people, but when you get a tiny NICU baby at 5.1 lbs… this growth seems amazing! I am so happy she is continuing to pick up weight.
I know everyone thinks their baby is so smart, but I believe this one is too! LOL! She watches everything I do and I am amazed each time she tries to copy me. Every time we leave a room, little miss tries to help me turn off the light. She reaches for the switch and really tries! By luck she did it one time… and you would have thought she scored a 1600 on her SAT’s the way I celebrated her! LOL! She also has started to prepare herself for things that are routine. In the bath, I always wash her neck, arms and tummy first… then move down to her legs. A few days ago, little miss picked up her leg and gave it to me to wash at the appropriate time. I know I amaze easily, but I really can’t grasp how much her little mind absorbs and it blows me away. LOL! She also has two tiny white bulbs trying to break through at the top of her gums! She’s been biting on her hand (and everything else) for about 2 months and it seems as though teeth maybe on the horizon. As I mentioned above, little miss is on the move! She has been rolling over for a while, but now she actually rolls around. I leave her one place… and she ends up in another. LOL! She used to lay still on a mat while I worked out, but a few days ago I had to keep jumping off the treadmill to put her back on the mat and then just move everything near her so she wouldn’t hurt herself. LOL! Times have changed… in a good way.
Work it out
Speaking of working out, some people might be interested in how I keep up my workout. It has been a struggle to keep it up. I was naive to think that just because I didn’t give birth, I would be able to jump right in a workout per usual… I under estimated how tired I would be just from taking care of the baby and all of her needs (plus sleep deprivation), but I have started a good routine. I have been getting up extra early to workout, but in true diva form… the earlier I get up… the earlier my little lady gets up too. LOL! I was able to get a new to me free treadmill off of freecycle (if you have it in your area I would sign up!) and purchased a spin bike that finally arrived late last month. Working out is a way for me to relax (lol!) and release stress… so it is very important to me to get it in 5-6 days a week.
Court is in about a week. As I stated before, Sunday nights are very hard for me because I struggle with anxiety about what the week may bring. People ask me why I continue do this if I know that the process is difficult for me. It is difficult, I know… but I couldn’t imagine not doing it. I was taking a training and the instructor asked us how many times someone says they couldn’t do foster care because of the attachment and hurt and most of the class answered all of the time. One participant said that if it “doesn’t hurt when they leave, then you shouldn’t be a foster parent.” That struck me and I really liked it. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt, you invite someone into your home and heart for a season. Sometimes it’s short, sometimes it’s long…. and for some it is permanent, so the idea or reality that they will leave and sometimes it t is a indefinite loss, (you never see them again) it is very hard. So Sunday evenings are a time that I may sit and think about what may or may transpire for that week. Knowing that court is coming up soon has been extra taxing on my mind. I try to look at each day one day at a time, but my natural personality analyzes and thinks about every possibility that may happen in different situations. I have started to recite scriptures when my mind goes too far. So back to court. It is coming up and I am nervous. Nervous because I have no knowledge of how it will go. I realized a few days ago that court rarely has gone the way I though it would. Either I think they are going to stay and then they go… or I think they are going to go and they stay. It is interesting to say the least of how all of the pieces of the team work (they say together) independently and then a judge makes a decision. Sometimes it’s quick…. sometimes it’s painfully long. Like I said, it is interesting. I am praying that the best decision is made for my little one.
I got to speak to one of my previous placements last week. She was so excited to speak to me, we FaceTimed each other and she said that I looked the same. LOL! I told her she didn’t and that she has grown so much. It hurt that when she thought I couldn’t hear her before we spoke, she said she didn’t think I was on the phone because I don’t call her or come see her. That case has it’s own challenges, but I stayed away on request from her present foster parent. She is still having her challenges and outbursts, it’s not getting any better which makes me sad for her. Also, her family plan is changing and it looks like she may never go “home.” She really loves her parents, so that is a tough one for sure. I don’t know what the future holds for that little lady, I just hope she lands well. Her current foster mother is at her wits end. I try to encourage her because she has been the longest foster home this little one has had, but because of behavior and other issues… the foster parent is getting fed up. Before you ask, I have thought long and hard about if I would choose to have this one back in my home and the answer right now is no. Little lady thanked me today for the picture book I gave her when she left my home of all our adventures. She says she looks at them all the time and she misses me tons. I do miss her too, but I’m just not sure at this moment if I could handle all of the things going on with her.
That’s all for now. If you are a praying person, pray for wisdom for the team working on baby girls case and the judge. Pray for me as my mind wanders, and most of all pray for baby that she remains safe and continues to grow strong.