Time Keeps Turning

It’s been a while since I’ve had time to sit down, gather my thoughts, and write. I kept saying to myself, “Clarise… sit down and write a post!” I would think of it many times, but just not get around to actually writing. Things are busy here as my little one is growing and becoming more and MORE mobile! I was telling a friend that sometimes I feel so lazy, meaning that most of the time all I want to do is sit on the couch. LOL! I wake up most mornings around 4:30a to workout, shower, and start work before the little miss wakes up for the day. Now that she is more mobile getting her dressed and out the door for school is another workout in itself. What used to take me 20 minutes a few months ago, now takes around 45 mins to get her dressed and strapped into her car seat. **Side story: Speaking of the car seat. I moved from the infant carrier to the 4 in 1 car seat. I can’t believe it took me so long to switch her. LOL! I googled when I should (I know… I should know) and found out that she could have moved a long time ago! The one thing I miss about the infant carrier is that I strapped her in while in the house… so she was trapped! LOL! That was just a side story of why it takes so long to get her out the house now. She likes to move all the time, but I’m getting used to it. END** So, by the time I come back home, clean up a bit… continue working… get off work and prepare for little bit to come home to then start caring all over again, I am TIRED. So just sitting has become a thing for me to do. LOL!

So on to the updates. My little one is now 11 months old. I can’t believe it! She will be ONE in about two weeks! She now says about 8 words and can identify parts on her face (nose, eyes, ears, etc.). She likes to read stories and stack (and throw) her blocks all around the room. She can crawl really fast, likes to climb the stairs and has taken a few steps without holding on. I still can’t get her to really eat table food, but she likes to mostly eat what she sees on my (or my mom’s) plate. I’ve ordered her some premade baby table food (think Hello Fresh, etc.) so we’ll see how it goes. She still wakes up twice a night and sometimes I feel like such a failure because I can’t understand why she won’t sleep. I’m worried about what I will do after she is a year old, still waking at night. Do I still give her formula? Does she just drink some water? I mean… who knows! LOL! I’ve learned through talking to other parents that each child moves at their own speed and we just push through as best as we know how. Speaking of growing, she has moved out of the infant room at daycare (I cried when they told me they were going to move her up) and has really taken to the new schedule and routine of the toddler class. My little bit loves music and likes to sing and dance. There is a particular “song” that she sings all the time… same cadence, same rhythm, same hand movements and words each time. I sometimes sing with her! LOL! “Da da… da da da!” She seems to like that I sing with her. I can’t wait to actually know what song she is singing.

Right now I am in the midst of planning her first birthday party. People who know me now that although I don’t like planning parties, I’m actually pretty thorough and try to give the best experience. I know she’s only one, but I have been trying to capture her theme perfectly. LOL! “Sweet as can Bee: Our Busy little Bee!” I got this theme from her previous teacher. At school they would always tell me how busy she was and how they called her a busy bee. LOL! I thought that would translate well into celebrating her first year of life.

I don’t talk much about her case, but my little one has started to have virtual visits with her mom. I am happy for them both, but as you can imagine it is a little emotional for me. I’m glad that she can start bonding with her mom, but the emotion comes from facing the reality of the fact that eventually this little one will leave me. I know that is what is supposed to happen, but you know… the heart feels the way it does :-). There is not a day that goes by in which that info doesn’t peek out of the back of my brain. I try to fight the anxiety that it brings and I feel like I do a good job. BUT some nights… when I’m in the stillness of night, it catches up with me and I shed a few tears. I’m human! I feel like sometimes people (who are not involved in foster care) judge foster parents for getting attached to the children. Getting attached doesn’t mean we are against reunification or bio families… it means we are human beings. Period! Okay, I’m coming back down. LOL! I’ve just heard people say some pretty hurtful thing about foster parents and it just sucks.

So that’s what’s going on here on our side of the world. I was just going to wait and post for her first birthday, but I figured… why not share a little about her before her big day! If you’ve made it this far… thanks for reading about my big girl! She really is a great baby, even though she makes me tired! LOL! I don’t know where she gets all that energy from, but she sure knows how to use it…. with her sweet self :-).

Toddlerhood…. here we come!