The day I wrote my last entry about my little bee’s birthday, I got a call from her school telling me that she woke up from her nap and the few bumps that were on her cheeks had spread all over her face… but she was fine. On the way to pick her up, the daycare sent me a note saying that she now had a rash that spread all over her chest and she would not be able to return until I had her cleared by a doctor. So…. when I picked her up I took her to a pediatric urgent care to see what the issue could possibly be and she was diagnosed with Hand, Foot, Mouth disease! I’d heard of it before because years ago one of my former co-workers got a call from her child’s daycare stating the same thing and she was so disgusted! LOL! We looked it up and I learned a little about it that day. So this diagnosis was shocking, but at least I kind of knew what I was dealing with. My poor honey was so miserable for about 2 days. I felt so bad for her, but there was nothing I could do. I gave her infant Tylenol for the fever and slathered her in Aquaphor to try and help with the itch. One of my mom’s friends is a pharmacist and she recommended an oat bath by Aveeno, that helped a lot too. I am grateful that her itchy rash did not last the 7-10 days they told me it might and she was semi back to normal with no itch within two days. March was a trying month with little bee’s health. With the current climate, even a runny nose is cause for alarm and regular allergy symptoms allow for stay away orders.
Little bee is growing so much! She now waves (at everyone) and will even wave hi and bye to people on the phone. I rarely take her out, but we went to church on Easter and to a department store to pick up a ship to store order and she went up to folks and gave them hugs. LOL! I know that some personality traits are nature, some nurture and some just the individual spirit of the child, but I am a semi friendly (lol, I really am but I am a bit quiet so it doesn’t come out as fast) and I wonder how much of my open nature of speaking and waving to people she may have picked up from me. I don’t know, I just often wonder what nurture traits she may have. She’s also starting to try and run. It’s so funny! She really thinks she’s moving and getting away from people. When she walks out of a room, I usually call her name just so I can hear her (before I get up to walk after her) so now she often calls her name when she walks out of a room. She really is a character.
We have court this month and of course my anxiety is trying to take hold of me. I have to remember that although I have little control of the overall situation, I have put my trust in someOne that loves my little bee more than I ever could. The more I learn about what is possibly going on in her case, the more concerned I become. I just hope and pray that the judge, her lawyer and social services make the best decisions regarding her future. Foster care is the hardest. In my opinion, the system is set up for bio parents. Not that they shouldn’t get the help they need to get their children back, but I hear such horror stories of children returning to unsafe places just because judges are pushing for reunification (quickly) and caseworkers are overloaded so they want kids off their rolls and out of the system. Sadly, these kids go in and out of the system and have increased trauma. I pray against that for my little all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for parents who work hard, follow their plan, and do what is necessary to get their kids back. When that is clearly not the case and children are returned, it is just sad for me to think about. So yeah, all of this races around my mind constantly. I think of all the possibilities (both good and bad) and then remember that I can’t physically do anything about the situation and my anxiety peaks.
So how do I feel about this besides anxious? Well, I realize that I signed up for this… no one forced me to do it… and the system doesn’t really care how I feel or what I think, but then I realize again that this is not about me. This is about a cute, bright, funny, sassy, brilliant, feisty, loving… I could go on… almost 14 month old who means the world to me. I just want the absolute best for her and I understand that most possibly may not be me.
So whew, sorry to unload. Things happen so fast! At little bee’s daycare, I saw two little babies that started this week and it made me remember when little bit was the youngest there and now she is holding my hand walking out of the building, it makes me tear up. She’s such a big girl and I do love her so much!!
A friend of my posted a foster quote by Jason Johnson that struck me and I will close with it. “Foster Care means choosing the pain of a great loss if it means a child has received the gain of a great love.” I love hard, I do that in all of my relationships so this is no different. This is the hardest love to give, but it is worth it compared to not doing it at all.
That’s all for now! Thanks for reading!