Quick blog post. Last night my dear foster daughter (DFD) called me Mommy. It took me by total surprise. I had just picked her up from her biological mom and dad, who she has visits with every weekend. She knows her mom… she knows her dad… AND then there’s me. When she called me “Mommy” she quickly said after, “can I call you mommy?” I asked her if that is what she wants to call me and she said yes. So the entire ride home it was “Mommy this and Mommy that,” I mean… it was like she couldn’t say the word enough :-). After we got settled at home and she was getting ready for bed, she said “CC (what she calls me) … I mean mommy, when I go to sleep then I will wake up and see my mommy again?” I agreed with her. I asked her, “why do you want to call me mommy?” She shrugged her shoulders. I said, “Is it because I take care of you like a mommy?” She said yes. Me: “You know ______ is your mommy, right?” She said yes, she knows that. So I told her that maybe she can call me Mommy CC so that she doesn’t get confused with her mommy and myself, she said okay. When I went to her room this morning… I thought she may have forgotten about this “mommy” business and she was back to calling me CC, nope as soon as I opened her door… she said, “Good morning Mommy!”
Last night, I was in total internal turmoil. Although I am flattered that she would even want to call me mommy, the thought of it made me sad. I just feel like at such a young age, this little one has had to call her dad and foster dad “Poppy” and her bio mom and myself “mommy.” She talks about her previous foster dad and brother all the time and how much she misses them, but also how happy she is at my house. At such a young age… she has been through a lot. Every time I take her to someones home… she always says, “then we are going to the ‘nother’ house?” I hate hearing her talk about going to the “nother house and the nother house.” It just makes me realize how many houses she has seen. This journey as a foster mom is new for me. I went from an 18 year old that was mostly out on her own, to a baby who couldn’t verbalize who I was to her, to now a 6 year old who can identify me with “Mommy.” I just don’t know how to feel about that and to be honest, I am not 100% comfortable. One of my friends who is also going through this process, but as an adoptive mom told me to let this little one decide what she is comfortable calling me because she needs to sort this out for herself. That I have to meet her where she is, that this is not a competition with her bio mom and that it is okay for her to have multiple moms… and that I am not replacing her bio mom (in her eyes). Even thought it can be messy at times… that this is her journey to navigate.
I am trying to embrace this new journey of “Mom” and trying to accept it.